Thursday, July 07, 2005


Blah Blah Blog

It's been way too long since my last update. Between having a two month old and deadlines, it is difficult to find the time to eat and sleep, let alone post on the blog.

With that lame excuse aside, I finished the first draft of the X-Men Unlimited story I'm writing for issue # 11. This is my first work for Marvel, and my first paid writing work from the big publishers, so I am especially excited. Wow, in comics, writing sure pays a whole lot better than penciling when you break it down to an hourly rate.

Hey, Madison Avenue! Here are some gags you can go ahead and STOP using in commercials:

-The phony Senate Sub-committee Hearing gag where someone is being grilled by Joe McCarthy for eating Golden Grahams. Or Subway Sandwiches. OR Geico. Or cock.

-The Husband who just wants to watch football on satellite tv on the weekend, but his wife has a list of chores for him instead. He just pulled ANOTHER 60 hour work week so you could live in that big nice house and have satellite tv , so leave him alone for once, bitch.

-That said, we can lose those lazy husbands that ONLY want to watch their satellite tv at the expense of their families.

-Sock puppet pitchmen. There is only one Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

-The split screen technique where you have a sucker using Brand X and a smart consumer using the Sponsored Brand, and the sucker reaches across the split screen threshold and grabs the product from the kitchen of the smart consumer. Ho ho! What a fucking riot. You see, you thought it was just an optical split screen, but the guy reaches across. It blows your mind right? Yeah, they've been blowing my mind with this stupid gag since I was five in '72. To make it worse, there have been more commercials featuring this lame old joke than there have been commercials with straight split screen comparisions.

And don't forget commercials where the precocious kids have all the answers while dad's a bonehead who just doesn't get it. Again, he just knows how to support all of you, fix the car, run his own business, build a bridge that supports 1000 tons, get a crew of astronauts to the moon and back-- but what a dork! He don't know that Li'l Caesar's pizza totally schools the brand he brought home. Let's gun him down in the street, the loser.

Conversely, I do appreciate that pizza ads these days tend to show their clientele as the doughy bastards they are rather than lean young go-getters. I guess it's just Association;"Hey, that schmoe with the ill-defined jawline is enjoying a Domino's pizza. Maybe I should do the same." But points for honesty.
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